Part 11 - The Heart Overflows41. I had started from my house along with my thirsty ‘Aatma’ in quest of cold water which could quench its thirst. Sai came into my life. Hardly had I walked a few steps when the glitter of the path of Sai bhakti drew me towards its dazzle and it was so fascinating and charming that I forgot to stick to the real path and took to its subways. Today, I find myself standing on a four way lane. I have found neither my Sai nor the brilliant diamonds. Treading the path I took to, I feel completely exhausted and my feet are left with no strength to go further. But the desire to reach my Sai and to get lost in him is more forcefully growing within me. But alas where is the time left for it? The soul within, however, cries out: “Sai was within you yesterday, Sai is there today and Sai shall always remain there. You have only to stop looking outside”.
42. For a long time, I had been having a feeling within me that now when due to my advancing age I am unable to concentrate at my Sai sitting before him, am unable to do Naam-Jaap for long hours and clean the corner of the house he occupies in his temple and light a lamp and burn incense before him, I am drifting away from him. This thought hurts me often. In the early hours of morning today, when I was lost in such thoughts, I discovered that now Baba dwells within me constantly. All these rituals which had been my routine, now have no need for me. When there was a need for these, Baba made me to do them. I laughed at my ignorance and a feeling of self satisfaction was left within me.
43. Sitting before Sai, I was humming a tune with intense feelings, pouring out my heart to him. The vapours of love and joy within were coming out in the form of tears. Suddenly my Sai spoke to me thus: “My child! Decades have gone bye since you have been crying like this. Your eyes have shed pitcher full of tears. All through you have kept on asking from me all that which provides happiness to your Aatma but never sought from me unlimited wealth, grandeur of life, honour and recognition to make you feel important in life. Almost all my devotees today only seek such things from me. Nobody asks for a share in the wealth I hold and I would like to share with them. Don’t you ever feel the urge for them?” I replied, “My Baba! Even after experiencing your grace so vehemently, if I keep on running for such worthless attainments, would I have not wasted the great opportunity which has been provided to me after coming into contact with your name and which has only been possible due to my ‘Prarabdha’ and your Grace. I know for certain that in the beginning you tempt your devotees to draw them towards yourself showing them toys of various hues and providing them temptations of sorts. You know full well that you have to put in tremendous efforts to make them take to you with utmost sincerity and truthfulness. You have also to part with a portion of your own earnings. All that is much more difficult than to get them caught in the snare of ‘Maya’. Baba said, “My Child! It is merely due to your own devotion and shedding pitcher full of tears with utmost sincerity and beyond all this, due to my grace only that you have continued to stick to the straight path of bhakti. Put in a little more labour. Push a little further your faith and belief and continue your journey towards abandoning all desires. Surely and certainly you shall reach the goal, if not in this birth, then in next. You shall have to come out of the limitations of life and death and attain ‘Mukti’ (liberation)”. Hearing Baba’s words, I felt a little concerned. It seems difficult for me to cross the ocean of life and death in the present birth. But a firm faith has taken root within me that I shall eventually reach the goal, if not today, then tomorrow.
44. Baba you are in me and I am in you. Ours is an enchantingly sweet relationship. But you can see me whenever you desire. My misery is that I cannot see you with these two physical eyes. However, the fragrance of your ever-loving presence, your hovering around me all the time, fills this gap to an extent. Am I not luckier than you Baba, for the pangs of physical presence of yours, which I keep on experiencing at all times provide sublimity to my ‘aatma’ which my seeing you at will would have never done. It is this physical separation between the lover and the beloved which has given birth to bhaktas like Surdas, Mira, Tukaram & Namdev and hundreds of others, in the history of our country.
Continued... Part 12 of Chapter 2 - The Heart Overflows
Other books of Author:
- Scribblings of a Shirdi Sai Devotee (In English - Available on this blog for reading)
- साईं कृपा की पावन स्मृतियाँ (Sai Kripa Ki Paawan Smritiyan) (In Hindi - Available on this blog for reading)
- साईं भक्ति के पथ पर (Sai Bhakti Ke Path Par) (In Hindi - Available on this blog for reading)
- साईं आत्मचिंतन (Sai Aatm-chintan) (In Hindi)
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