06 April 2011
Part 12 - The Heart Overflows45. This morning Sai occupying the inner chambers of my heart spoke to me thus: “My child! The Sai you have been seeking, worshipping and seeing in the inner of your self is merely my external ‘Swaroop’ (form). You now turn deeper inwards looking in the inner self and seek my real ‘Swaroop’. I am the Infinite, Indivisible, Omnipresent, Omniscient one and shall remain that till eternity whether the man remains or not, the existence itself remains or fades away. It is another matter that I have been appearing in different forms and shall ever continue to do so. Get up my child, get up and now start searching for that form of mine. I am the indivisible Sat-Chit-Aanand Sai”.
46. I worship my Sai in the temple of my heart where none other than I and Sai exist; where there are no pushes and pulls by devotees; where I can keep on sitting before my Baba gazing at him for howsoever long time I wish; where nobody cares to see, who am I and how I look, how heavy is my purse, how long and thick the garland I have brought to offer to Baba and how heavy is the box of sweets have I brought to offer to Baba and nor would anybody be able to assess how deep feelings do I carry within me for my Baba.
47. During the last few days, I have felt a little unwell. Almost nothing has been scribbled. Does it convey to me that the thoughts on Baba which crop up in my mind have relevance to my body only and not to my soul or inner self? If it were so, the pages after pages which I had been blackening for years, were not indeed the cravings of my heart for you O’ my Baba, but I was merely deceiving my own self. Wasn’t I committing an act of sacrilege by talking of you but the inside in me was hollow?
48. Baba! I implore you to provide me the strength to ignore the physical ailments, I suffer from in old age. Allow them not to hinder my absorption in you. Rama Krishna Paramhansa and Raman Maharishi both suffered from cancer but could this disease in any way affect their attunement to the self upto the end of their lives? I am fully conscious that by talking of such high saints I, who is merely a grain of linseed, is talking of the Himalayas. I also know well that I haven’t undergone any hard ‘Sadhanas’ (penances), but merely have been having absolute faith in your words that by merely chanting ‘Sai’,’Sai’, you shall take us beyond the ocean of life and death. This shows that I haven’t been able to properly chant even your name with heart and soul and have merely been deceiving my own self. Whatever I have been feeling and doing was merely a ‘Bhram’ (delusion) of my heart. Let it be so. Even by acting thus, the experiences that I have had in my life, even those are enough for me. During the last many years, the feeling of ‘Sai Kripa’ that I have been nourishing within me, and the feeling of ‘Aatmanand’, it has been providing, weren’t these the reflection of your ever raining ‘Kripa’ on me? What a fool, I am, O’ Baba! All that which you have bestowed on me in your ‘Masti’, without appreciating its value, I am talking of not being able to pluck the stars from the sky. Baba! I beseech you to excuse me; I am an ignorant child of yours and have remained so even today. Lift me up and make me a bhakta from whose mind all delusions should vanish. Baba you have remained the same Sai who manifested on earth in a torn ‘Kafni’ (Copin) and maintained this character till the last moments of your life on earth. And we who claim to be your devotees only by chanting your name have gained enormously and are now engaged in changing even your identity. Your idol sitting on a rock with a torn off ‘Kafni’ has been covered with valuable shawls; heavy gold ornaments studded with precious stones and diamonds have been put around your neck; your head has been covered with precious crowns and even this much wasn’t enough for us, even the stone you sat on has been converted into a gold throne - seeing which even kings and emperors lying buried in tombs would be feeling envious of you for they could not attain by fighting wars and shedding blood which you have attained without even asking for it and while maintaining the character of a Fakir. All this is being heaped around the Fakir who spent his whole life in a torn Kafni, eating the food obtained by begging, having a brick underneath his head while going to sleep on a sack-cloth. Surely, it is some sort of game being played by you which has a secret behind it and which shall be understood at the right time. Neither you had anything to do with the torn Kafni nor with the glamour around you today. Neither you were concerned with earlier Swaroop, nor with the present one. Neither that was you nor this. You are merely a ‘Tatva’ (force) which existed then, exists now and shall always remain so. It is merely the thinking of man which shall keep on changing.
Continued... Part 13 of Chapter 2 - The Heart Overflows
Other books of Author:
- Scribblings of a Shirdi Sai Devotee (In English - Available on this blog for reading)
- साईं कृपा की पावन स्मृतियाँ (Sai Kripa Ki Paawan Smritiyan) (In Hindi - Available on this blog for reading)
- साईं भक्ति के पथ पर (Sai Bhakti Ke Path Par) (In Hindi - Available on this blog for reading)
- साईं आत्मचिंतन (Sai Aatm-chintan) (In Hindi)
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Suresh Chandra Gupta
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© Shirdi Sai Baba Life Teachings and Stories
Author:Hetal Patil Rawat (Sai Ki Deewani)
Hetal Patil Rawat is founder of Devotees Experiences of Shirdi Sai Baba blog. She also writes and maintains few other Shirdi Sai Baba blogs to spread information. Visit her official facebook page →